tall tales

He asked me at dinner tonight who I had flown with before now. I couldn’t possibly think where to start, it’s been too many. And then Ice spoke up, quietly, almost tauntingly. “Jameison.” she said. And Caban didn’t believe her. Turns out he doesn’t even believe that Jameison exists, he is too mythical and amazing to possibly be real. He’s heard the legends, we all have. I couldn’t help but smile as Kon recounted the story of Rigon.
“He dodged out so quick. So many conflicting signals, the jumps impossible to track. The navigation was genius. The Feds intent to starve him out, they stuck around for two days before they realized he wasn’t there.”
Caban scoffed, saying, “I heard they got him cornered at Michlun-4, and he fought his way out with three knives. Knives.”
“How do you fight off a squadron of feds with that?” asked Kon, shaking his grizzled head, “They say he made it out, though. Haven’t heard of him since, nothing but scattered reports.”
“If he ever was real, he’s dead now.” concluded Caban. I could barely withhold my knowledge that the Michlun story was a gross exaggeration, Rigon only a slight exaggeration.
“You’re wrong, Captain. He’s real. I knew him.” Said Ice quietly, surprisingly.
“Right. Had his back at Michlun?” he said mockingly, and I knew he wouldn’t believe me if I told him that I had.
“What was he like, then?” asked Kon, always ready for another story.
“He was a good man. Tall, black hair, very…intense. Very smooth.” She replied, and I wondered when she had known him. She paused and after a moment continued. “An ass, though. Arrogant. Like a lot of ship’s captains.”
Kon guffawed, Caban smiled good-naturedly. Ice pressed on, ticking names on her fingers. “It’s truth. Think…there’s Caban…Blackthorn, Ramez, Front.”
My heart seemed to contract as she said his name.
“Take that back.”
“What?” Ice looked at me, all innocence, and I knew I had fallen for her baiting. Caban and Kon stared at us in silent surprise.
“Take that back. You don’t know, Ice. So never say that again.”
I could not stay in that room, could not explain. I caught sight of a slight smile on her face as I turned on my heel and left.

Caban came to me later, checking up on his crew. Said he didn’t want any trouble between us. There won’t be. He asked me, then, if I had flown with Jameison.
“I thought you didn’t believe in him.”
“Well. I’d be willing to say he’s a real man, but the things they say he did…”
“Believe what you will. I flew with a lot of people.”
“Did you fly at Rigon?” he asked, and I didn’t need to answer for him to see the truth on my face. Curse him.
He asked if I thought he had died at Michlun, and I couldn’t lie. I don’t think there will be any more legends. But he can’t be dead. I’d know if he were dead.
“You’d know?” he asked, surprised.
“I’d feel it.”
“Is...Front dead?”
Pain ricocheted through me and I couldn’t answer. He knew he’d gone too far, nodded to acknowledge his tactlessness, and excused himself without another word. Not a man accustomed to apology.
I still let it hurt me so much. I lie here, looking at the things I’ve carried for years in my old knapsack. The moon-map, navigational charts, letters. The pictures. Me and Lys. Jameison, turning away from the camera, not really angry. He isn’t dead. Men like him never really die.